Some Things Never Change
by Witchy Bee
Summary: AU: It's like watching a train wreck; she cannot look away. Lily is at a loss for what to do when former childhood friend, Severus Snape, turns up bleeding on her doorstep.
1. Unforgivable

Lily wasn't a child anymore. She'd grown up. She and James were happy now and Hogwarts felt like a distant memory even though it was only a few years behind them. Whenever they spoke of the past, somehow the topic of Severus always came up. Lily did not like the cruel things James said about him, despite the fact that Severus had said some cruel things to her back then. For Merlin's sake, they were not children anymore! Couldn't he let the past go? Couldn't she?

The last Lily heard, her former friend had become a Death Eater. It was only an awful rumor but she had to admit there might be some validity to it. After all, it did make sense, considering the dark path Severus insisted on taking. The spells and curses he used to learn, the books he kept, frightened Lily. It seemed he was rapidly losing himself to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's influence even then. As much as she'd wanted to help him, it was also clear to her that Sev did not desire her help.

So she moved on. Lily was wholeheartedly in love with a wonderful man now, and although she sometimes suspected that maybe it had been James' constant bullying of Severus which sent him over the edge all those years ago, she contented herself with the knowledge that he'd had a choice. Every wizard had a choice, and Lily chose James while Sev chose evil.

He crossed her mind more often than she cared to admit. Lily would find herself wondering where he was now, what You-Know-Who forced him to do, if he was safe and happy, or if he regretted any of it. Mostly Lily tried to focus on the future: a future with James. They were to be married in the little church in Godric's Hallow a few months from now, and Lily couldn't be happier.

"I've never seen such a horrible storm before," she remarked, standing by the front window, watching as high winds blew the rain sideways. "I feel sorry for anyone who has to be outside tonight."

"It is quite something, isn't it?" James agreed. "Luckily I get to stay inside where it's warm, next to the woman I love."

"Oh, James..." Lily smiled and kissed him.

That night, as the storm raged on in the bitterly cold streets of Godric's Hallow and they prepared for bed, a quiet yet insistent knocking could be heard at their door. Lily went to answer it; her eyes immediately grew wide, a torrid of emotions welled up inside her simultaneously. The most prominent one was shock, followed by fear, confusion, and dismay.

"_Lily_..." Snape rasped. It was too dark to get a proper look, but she knew it was him. The Death Eater was on his knees, black robes damp with what Lily hoped was just rainwater but a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach told her it was in fact blood, and his eyes were filled with pain.

No time to think. She tried to help Sev to his feet but his legs collapsed under his own weight the moment he was inside. Then he just lay there in a heap of soaked robes and unnaturally pale skin, like the dead. Not knowing what to do, she called out to James, who came running when he heard the rising panic in her voice.

"He's hurt," she said as if her fiance couldn't tell. "I think You-Know-Who might have done something to him, or..."

"Why would he come _here_?" James asked, more than a little irritated. "Why not go to a bloody hospital?"

"I don't know!" Lily exclaimed just as Snape reached out a clammy hand, gripping one of her own.

"_Help me_..." he pleaded weakly, but she had no idea how to help him. Sev was shaking violently, beads of sweat rolling down his forehead, eyes wet with unwilling tears; he gritted his teeth in an effort not to scream. Lily thought he might crush her hand. She realized suddenly that someone must have cast a Cruciatus curse on him.

"I think he's been Crucio'd," Lily said, speaking as much to herself as she was to James. "I'll need to take off his robes so I can tend to these wounds."

"You do that," he replied. "I will contact the Ministry."

"What?" Lily's face flushed. "No!"

"Why the hell not? He's a _Death Eater_!"

"Yes, but..." But what? What could she say? Perhaps part of Lily hoped that You-Know-Who had tortured Severus because he'd finally come to his senses and denounced the dark arts. She had no proof of this, however, and the man in question had passed out from a combination of pain and blood loss. "Look at him, James! We have to do something or he will die! The Ministry would just kill him anyway."

"That's what people like him deserve. I don't want him in my home!"

"Give Severus a chance, please!" Lily begged. "Maybe he's changed..."

"People don't come back from the dark side, Lily."

"You're wrong. Besides, I won't allow anyone to die when I have the power to prevent it, no matter where his loyalties lay. I grew up!"

James was just looking for another excuse to hate Snape. Lily turned away and began assessing the Death Eater's injuries, all of which alarmed her but mostly did not appear to be life-threatening. The pain was the worst, she knew, but there wasn't much she could do about that.

"If we do not go to the Ministry, we are just as guilty as he is in their eyes." James said more calmly.

"So we'll send him on his way when he can _walk_." Lily reasoned, using her wand to levitate Snape onto the couch.

"Fine, then I'll help," he relented. "The sooner he heals, the sooner he's gone."

James' displeasure was obvious, he made no attempt to hide it, but Lily didn't care. She had been given one last chance to save Severus and maybe resurrect their friendship. The choice had been his, of course, but what if she could somehow sway him back onto the path of light?

Lily was angry for a very long time after he'd chosen the dark arts over her. However, they were not children anymore. Things had changed. Little did she know, Snape's love for her was not one of them.


	2. Pain of All Kinds

Pain was one of those things in life Severus learned to deal with early on. One of his earliest memories was of his father screaming at him in a drunken rage, blackening young Severus' eye. Where the hell had that thought come from? His mind felt fuzzy; he wasn't even sure if he was breathing or not. Experimentally, Snape tried opening his eyes, and he was rewarded with Lily's beautiful face peering over him. Apparently this was a dream.

"Lily..."

"I think we've established who I am, Sev."

He sighed, but it sounded more like a quiet gasp as another wave of intense pain tore through his body. He closed his eyes tight and breathed deeply for a few seconds until the unpleasant sensation passed for now.

"Severus?" There was concern in Lily's voice. After all this time, everything he'd done, she was still concerned about him. This wasn't a dream, of course, the presence of pain served to clear Snape's mind enough to comprehend that much. But then why was he almost completely nude?

"I'm...all right." he managed. "Where are my clothes?"

"You're not all right," she insisted. "You're wounded. I had to disrobe you in order to save your life. Try not to move so much; I've bandaged you up and the salve I applied should stop any bleeding, but—Merlin's beard, Severus, what happened?"

"I...I don't know. I can't...think straight..." All of his nerves were too busy screaming at his brain in agony for it to process a single coherent thought. "I'm sorry..."

"Okay, you can tell me when you're feeling more lucid," Lily said. "How's the pain?"

"Unbearable." he answered flatly.

"Good." James Potter interjected. He hovered in the corner like a smug shadow. She frowned, but did not acknowledge the comment further, instead focusing her attention on Snape.

"I'm not sure if there's anything I can do. Unforgivable curses don't respond to normal pain potions. I can heal your injuries, but we may just have to wait until the Crucio runs its course."

He'd expected that. At least being here was better than writhing in the street, even if it did mean tolerating James' arrogance and being near Lily when he couldn't have her.

"How severe are my wounds?"

"Probably not fatal, if we can prevent infection," she replied, still wearing a grim expression. "Severus, why didn't you apparate to St. Mungo's?"

"Like I said, I couldn't think straight," Snape explained. "Besides, I might not have made it, and even if I did the Ministry would surely be called as soon as they found out what I am."

"So instead you risk coming here, possibly bring a trail of Death Eaters after you." James chimed in again. He was always so helpful.

"That's enough, James." Lily pulled her fiance into the other room just before Snape fell unconscious once more. It was a dreamless, almost blissful state, and most importantly, a lot less painful.

)O(

"I do not like this, Lily."

"I'm aware, but hush, would you? He's asleep...or passed out. It doesn't look like he has slept well in months." James glared at her. "What? You said yourself that once Sev is healed he will be out of our hair, and you standing around making snide remarks isn't helping him heal any faster."

"What do you expect me to do?" he asked. "Make small talk with a man who is in league with You-Know-Who? What I want to know is how you can just forgive the bastard."

"I don't know," Lily admitted. "It wasn't entirely Sev's fault, James, and I haven't completely forgiven him either. I'm trying to help an old friend who has lost his way. We are not in school anymore, you know. Maybe we've reached a point where we can all get on with life. What if there is something worth salvaging?"

The last thing she wanted right now was to argue. It seemed like that was all they'd done since Snape arrived. Even James started to grow weary of his own protests. This evening had been particularly long for all of them.

James and Lily finally headed to bed, and she lay there sleepless for a long while, unable to quiet her mind. She was worried about Severus, not just because the people who hurt him might return but also on account of how frightfully thin he looked! Sev had never been at what one would consider a healthy weight, but now it was impossible to even entertain the idea. Lily decided she simply must check on him one last time before she ought to get some rest herself, and what she found unnerved her a great deal.

Severus appeared to be in the grip of some awful nightmare. Most likely the Crucio was still causing him unimaginable pain, but he seemed fiercely determined. She could plainly see the mark of dark magic burned into the flesh of his left forearm. In another life, the boy Lily once knew would never have given himself over to You-Know-Who so irrevocably like that. But maybe it wasn't too late.

"Oh, Sev," she whispered, tears blurring her vision from what she told herself was only tiredness. "What have you done?"


	3. Guess who's coming to Dinner!

**A/N:** This chapter took me a very long time to finish. I'm not really sure why. Anyway, I changed the title of this story to something a bit more relevant. I know it's mostly been angsty conversation so far, and I can't say there won't be a lot more of that, but such is the nature of Snape. Also: I'd like to thank my reviewers who inspire me to keep writing.

)O(

The following morning brought frozen rain and more strained attempts at pleasant conversation between Lily and James, but not for long. The latter spent almost the entire day out of the house, pointedly avoiding her. Apparently it was impossible for him to simply ignore the Death Eater in the room. As a result, Snape and Lily were alone for several hours. They spoke of ordinary things, trying not to think about all that unresolved tension between them, and she tried not to think about what an immature prat James was being.

Lily tried several times to persuade Severus to eat without any success. By suppertime, James had returned, announcing that he had taken the liberty of inviting a few old friends over. Disappointment flashed in her eyes, along with annoyance. Severus braced himself for what he knew was coming.

Remus Lupin had always been the most likable of the four Marauders, as they called themselves. While Potter and Black were practically brothers, bonded by their mutual despise for Snape and love of pranks, he tended toward a slightly biased neutrality. Peter Pettigrew remained a cowardly git, desperate to be accepted, who hated Severus simply by association. The former schoolmates all paraded inside, the rat-faced man trailing behind them as if nothing had changed.

It was instantly clear to them that something wasn't quite right with the world, and it didn't take long for Sirius to identify what it was.

"Snivellus," he said with fake cheer, lips curled into a sneer that rivaled even Snape's. All eyes fell on Severus, who had yet to move from his place on the couch. The air in that room quickly bristled as past feelings of contempt resurfaced. "How long has it been, eh?"

"Not nearly long enough." Snape replied coldly. On that, they could all agree.

"Can't you act your own age for once?" Lily demanded. "Now sit down and eat, all of you."

The Marauders spent most of the meal reminiscing about past pranks and their glory days at Hogwarts. They spoke like old men whose best years were already behind them, even though not one of them was in their late twenties yet. In a desperate moment of awkward silence, someone actually began discussing the weather. But inevitably the topic shifted, as it did in every wizarding household nowadays, to the war.

"Another muggle-born was found beaten last night in Nocturn Alley," Lupin offered. "A young woman, left for dead."

"What do you think of that, Snivellus?" Sirius waved his fork at Snape in an accusatory manner. "I bet your Death Eater pals were real happy. Hell, I bet you were the one who attacked her!"

"Then, like usual, you would be wrong." Severus replied softly. It seemed as Sirius' voice rose, his became quieter. In fact, he sounded almost bored, continuing to move his food about the plate without really eating anything.

"We're just supposed to believe that! Where the hell were you last night?"

"Sev was here last night!" Lily attempted to regain control of the situation. "Sit down, Sirius, please." He did so, but his eyes never left Snape.

"A Death Eater did not attack that woman."

"Sev..." Lily warned, but it was already too late.

"What gives you the right to make statements like that?" James challenged.

"Because Death Eaters do not leave anyone for dead," Severus explained softly. "Which leads me to believe they were a group of pureblood fanatics, perhaps seeking to serve the Dark Lord, but who were too afraid to do so directly."

"Don't you dare speak that name in this house!" Sirius shouted, getting to his feet. It didn't make a difference, however, for Snape had already stood up and was leaving the table. Lily called after him, but he was gone.

"I'm sorry, Lily." Remus said genuinely as he helped her wash up.

"It's not your fault. This was all James' idea anyway, and I have a feeling tonight went exactly as he intended. I swear it's like they're all still boys!"

Remus nodded gravely. He left soon after, taking Sirius with him and Peter following close behind as usual. Lily was grateful to have the guests out of her house. It wasn't that she didn't like them; Remus had always been a gentleman and Sirius could be rather charming when he wanted to, but apparently he didn't even try this evening. She loved James, of course, but why did he have to act like such a child?

)O(

"You need to eat," Lily found Snape in the pitch black bedroom, lying on her bed that she shared with James. Maybe he hadn't thought of that. Best not to mention it. "You feel weak because you're starving."

"I've rather lost my appetite thanks to those _people_out there." Severus whispered. She drew closer, illuminating the room with soft blueish-white light from the tip of her wand. "And I do not feel weak."

"Don't lie to me, Severus...not again." That hurt him, she could tell, but he'd hurt her before, too. "You still haven't told me what happened, by the way."

For a while he just looked at this woman who once trust him completely, to whom he could tell anything and be forgiven. Then he spoke, "The Dark Lord likes to demonstrate his powers. What you must understand, Lily, is that I am nothing in his ranks. I am a pawn. I was simply a tool for his...demonstration."

"I _don't_understand, Sev," she said after the shock wore off. "I don't understand at all why you would allow him to do that to you!"

Snape suddenly couldn't meet her eyes. "That does not matter now," He wanted to tell her everything, like when they were still best friends. He;d wanted to be part of something greater than himself, something powerful, something that would make Lily understand what a brilliant wizard he was. Maybe he could protect her when the Dark Lord reigned. It all seemed so foolish now. "I regret what I said to you, Lily, I regret what I did...I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too." she said quietly. "It's not too late, Sev. You can still leave the Death Eaters, can't you?"

Snape shook his head. "We have both made mistakes, and now we have to live with the consequences."

For a second Lily just stared, emerald eyes devoid of understanding, then they filled with anger and she abruptly stood up. "Marrying James is not a mistake! I love him, despite what an enormous bastard he's been lately. Why can't you see that? I forgive you for what you said back then. Hell, I even forgive you for becoming a bloody Death Eater! That was your choice, so why can't you accept mine?"

He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, and that he'd always loved her, but perhaps it was too late after all. Before Lily stormed out, she begged him once more to please eat something, and then she was gone along with the light.


	4. Forgiven

**A/N:** After an absurd stretch of time, I have only a very short update to show for it. My apologies. But please review all the same.

)O(

Lily watches Sev from afar as he hovers on the fringe of a group of Slytherins. They stand around near the Black Lake in tightly-knit packs, talking about Merlin knows what, probably the dark arts.

She is angry; his words had cut her deep, and the pain is still raw. But it also hurts to watch him now. Sev never smiles when he's with his "friends" and that saddens her. Lily misses her best friend sometimes, especially since he continues to slip further away. He brought this on himself, of course, but that doesn't make it any easier to watch.

"Evans," James' voice interrupts her reverie.

"Sorry," Lily turns away from the lake. "What were you saying?"

"We were offering to make you an honorary Marauder!" he says proudly. "We'll give you a nickname, and even tell you our most closely guarded secrets."

"But she's a _girl_," Sirius complains. "And do you mean all our secrets?"

"We're not twelve anymore, mate," James insists, although they certainly act as if they are at times. "Besides, she's special. And yes, all our secrets. What do you say, Lil?"

She doesn't know what to say. "Is there some sort of initiation or...?"

"Just one thing," Sirius grins mischievously. "You have to give Prongs here a kiss."

"What?" Lily narrows her eyes. Is this all just an elaborate way to convince her to kiss James? "I have a bit more self-respect than that. If you want to kiss me, you'll have to earn it."

"But those are the rules, Evans." Sirius grins wider..

Remus finally speaks up. "Padfoot, let it go. We shouldn't pressure her if she doesn't want to."

"She'll kiss me eventually," James adds, smirking. The subject changes, and it's back to business. "Wormtail, the map?"

The quietest Marauder wordlessly retrieves a piece of parchment from his robes, spreading it out before them. It doesn't look like a map to Lily, not until Sirius taps it with his wand and declares: "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Suddenly it is not a mere piece of parchment at all, but a map of Hogwarts with students' and professors' locations represented by conveniently labeled dots. Lily's eyes widen when said dots begin to move about the castle. The Marauders just grin, clearly pleased with themselves.

"So this is the secret to your ridiculous luck."

"Yep," James beams, briefly glancing toward Remus. "And since tonight's a full moon, you'll also get to witness our most private secret of all."

Remus pales, but says nothing.

"This one's really huge, Evans," Sirius emphasizes. "You can't tell anybody, especially Snivellus. See, Moony has got this furry little problem. . ."

)O(

Lily bolted upright, heart racing, hands grasping blindly in the air for something to hold onto. There was nothing, of course; just a dark room and moonlight pouring through a window. James snored beside her, completely undisturbed. Lily lay down again and tried to go back to sleep, but to no avail.

Eventually, she rose and made her way into the kitchen as silently as she could manage. A quiet curse came from the living room, and Lily went to investigate, which was the moment she found Severus wearing his old bloodstained robes; he was moving around in the dark, trying not to trip over anything. This surprised Lily; he shouldn't even be walking around yet!

"Sev?" she called gently, holding up her lighted wand.

"Lily?" He froze, but then seemed to remember himself. "I'm leaving, Lily. Don't try to stop me. You will be safer this way. I should not have come here." After a brief pause, he asked: "Where is my wand?"

"It's in that drawer, there; James insisted that I hide it from you. I'm sorry." she answered, then: "Severus, where will you go? Are you planning to return to him? Because if so, then I...I don't know if I could forgive you. And I really don't want to lose you again, Sev. I'd forgotten how much I missed you."

"Yet if I did not go to the Dark Lord, I might as well turn this wand on myself." Snape replied calmly, though it took immense effort to steady his voice. Lily was looking at him, concerned. His fingers twitched. The wand clattered to the floor.

"Sit down, Sev, you're shaking."

The stubborn man complied reluctantly and, though he was also starting to breathe heavily now, insisted he would be fine. "'s just residual effects...of the Cruciatus..."

"How many times?" Lily demanded. "How many times did he cast it?"

"I'm not sure; I lost consciousness at some point."

"No, no, I won't allow you to go anywhere like this, Severus. When you can manage to stand for an extended period of time, then we'll discuss it." He knew there could be no arguing with that tone of voice. Snape nodded in agreement. "Good. Now I think we both better get a little sleep, yes?"

_Will you return to him, Lily?_ he thought as exhaustion claimed him, _If not for that bloody curse, I would be far away from here, and I would not have to face the reality of you with Potter. Always, remember? Of course not, because I never told you..._


End file.
